From the Director’s Chair
Notes from Executive Director Leslie Abraham

Exciting news for CCS! Due to a generous donation from Stimson Lumber Company and the Stimson-Miller Foundation, we have expanded pro bono legal representation and support services for children into Columbia County. Local attorney Bob Salisbury will be representing children involved in custody disputes, through court appointment from the Columbia County Circuit Court. A graduate of Michigan State University and Lewis & Clark’s Northwest School of Law, Bob has been practicing family and juvenile law since 2000 and has represented hundreds of children in juvenile court. In his family law practice, Bob has always focused on the best interests of children during custody cases. He is very excited to work on behalf of CCS to help children and families in Columbia County!

In addition, CCS is also partnering with Columbia Community Mental Health (CCMH) to provide free support groups to children experiencing the trauma of divorce. For more information about the support group or to enroll your children for the September start date, please contact Carli Jo Nicholson with CCMH at (503) 397-5211.

Clean out your closets for kids! Our garage sale fundraiser will take place the weekend of August 4-5 on the first floor of Athena Plaza, 808 SW 15th Avenue in downtown Portland. You can help by shopping at the sale (and bringing home a fabulous find!). We have rooms full of antiques, furniture, clothing and collectibles. Come search for treasures in August!

CCS continues to give voices to children through our court appointments in Multnomah County. We are making a substantial difference in the lives of children impacted by divorce and their parents who love them. Thank you for your ongoing support – we could not do it without you!

Spotlight on Our Child Clients

As always, the names of our clients and any identifying details about their lives have been changed to protect their privacy.

CCS partners with other Oregon resources to ensure that all our child clients remain safe.

CCS was appointed to represent Nicholas (18 months) and Natalie (6 months) by the court after allegations of drug use and unstable living conditions surfaced during their parents’ divorce proceedings. CCS repeatedly tried to meet with the children and speak with the parents, but never received a response. Concerned by our inability to make any contact at all, CCS involved the Department of Human Services (DHS) to determine the wellbeing of the children.

With the help of DHS caseworkers, CCS was finally able to meet with Nicholas and Natalie. The parents had decided not to divorce. Under Oregon law, CCS can only stay involved if there is a pending case; therefore, once the parents dismissed their case CCS could no longer represent the children. Still concerned about the children, CCS urged DHS to continue their investigation and to provide services.

Because of CCS’s intervention, DHS is now working with the parents and children to ensure that everyone stays safe and healthy, whether their parents divorce or not.

Quote of the Month: July

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

- Shel Silverstein, American poet, children’s book author, country music songwriter, musician, cartoonist (1930-1999)

When is Venting to Your Teen T.M.I.?
From Creating Effective Parenting Plans by John Hartson, Ph.D., and Brenda Payne, Ph.D.

When parents divorce, the dynamics between parent and child understandably can change, particularly when the child is a teenager. It is common for parents to begin to confide in their teenagers as they would in adults, but sharing grownup matters with them, such as the circumstances of the divorce or opinions about the other parent, is often not in children’s best interests.

So how much information is too much?

Author Richard Warshak suggests that when a parent is faced with an impulse to share information with a child or make a negative comment about the other parent, several questions should be asked:

1. What is the real reason for revealing this information to the child?
2. Will the child be harmed by the behavior about to be criticized?
3. Is the child at risk of harm by not revealing this information?
4. How will it help the child to hear what is about to be told them?
5. Do the possible benefits of revealing this information to the child outweigh the possible risks?
6. Finally, would this situation be handled differently if the parents were happily married to each other?

Divorce is a stressful time. It is important that parents cultivate a support system of family and friends to help gain perspective and encouragement, but their teenagers may not be the appropriate choice. A child has the right to remain a kid and not become enmeshed in parent problems, even unintentionally. So when tempted to vent to their teens, parents should stop and think whether it is really in their best interests to hear it.

The Lawyer’s Impact on Children – from the Child’s Point of View
By Jenny Gilmore, Staff Attorney

Children’s attorneys provide two equally important services to their child clients: empowering children in the areas of their lives that children can control and also lifting the burdens from their shoulders in the areas they cannot.

Perhaps the most important role the child’s attorney can play is that of a buffer between the child and the conflict. Children in high-conflict custody disputes are often caught in a battle between the most important people in their lives. Continually faced with their parents’ hurt and anger, these children are made to feel responsible for their parents’ feelings and wellbeing. And it is a no-win situation; attention to one parent brings guilty feelings about the other.

The child’s attorney has no other agenda except the child’s interests and position. With the support of other professionals focused on children’s best interests, children’s attorneys strive to create a safe environment for their clients to relate their concerns and fears concerning divorce. Attorneys then advocate for their clients so that those issues can be addressed without the children feeling like they must choose sides.

Although it is a reality of modern life, divorce is a conflict between the parents only and any negativity should ideally impact the children as little as possible. If children’s attorneys do their job successfully, they effectively voice the concerns of their child clients, while helping them remain children.

Our privacy policy is available online at www.childcenteredsolutions.org/privacy.html

CCS is a public benefit corporation that has been incorporated in the state of Oregon and is recognized by the Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)3 tax exempt status.

© 2007 Child Centered Solutions